Fact vs. Story: How to Reclaim Yourself After Trauma

 After pain, the brain wants answers.
Why did this happen?
What does it mean?
Will I ever be okay again?

It’s natural. We’re wired to seek meaning, especially in moments of heartbreak, loss, betrayal, or sudden change. But sometimes, the meaning we make becomes the very thing that keeps us stuck.

You may catch yourself thinking:

• “This has broken me.”

• “I’ll never trust again.”

• “It’s my fault.”

• “This is just who I am now.”

These aren’t facts. They’re stories. And while they might feel true, they’re often shaped by fear, grief, shame, or old wounds—not by reality.

Fact vs. Story: What’s the Difference?

A fact is something you can observe with your senses.
A story is the interpretation your mind creates around that fact.

Fact: Your relationship ended.
Story: You’re unlovable and will always be alone.

Fact: You lost someone you loved.
Story: You should’ve done more. You’ll never be happy again.

The story isn’t always wrong—but it’s important to ask:

Is it true?
Is it helpful?

If the answer is no, it’s time to gently challenge the narrative.

Why This Matters for Healing

After trauma, the stories we carry can become part of our identity. And over time, they can start to drive our choices, relationships, and even our health.

By learning to pause and notice the story—without judgment—you create space. Space to shift, to reframe, to rewrite. This doesn’t mean denying the pain. It means holding it with perspective.

A Simple Way to Begin

When things feel heavy, try this:

1. Grab a piece of paper and draw two columns.
   Label one Move Toward and the other Move Away.

2. Under Move Toward, list things that help you feel grounded, soothed, or alive. (Think: sunshine, journaling, weight training, stretching, talking to a friend.)

3. Under Move Away, list things that numb, drain, or disconnect you. (Think: binge drinking, doom scrolling, overworking, self-isolating.)

When you’re overwhelmed, don’t overthink it—just go to the list.

Small shifts are powerful. They remind your nervous system (and your story) that you’re not stuck. You’re still here. You’re still choosing.

For more on how to understand your internal dialogue, reclaim your story, and reconnect with your body after trauma, tune in to Episode #19 of What’s My Body Telling Me? How to Keep Living While You're Grieving It’s a powerful conversation that offers both science and soul for your healing.