Oscillation Theory: Why You Don’t Have to Be Strong Every Day to Heal

When life falls apart—through loss, heartbreak, trauma, or a major life change—it’s natural to feel pressure to hold it all together. You might find yourself asking:

• How do I get back to “normal”?
  
• Why am I still not okay?
  
• Shouldn’t I be past this by now?
  

But what if the expectation to “bounce back” is the very thing keeping you stuck?

There’s a lesser-known approach to healing called oscillation theory, and it offers a gentler, more sustainable path forward—especially in times of grief or emotional overwhelm.

What Is Oscillation Theory?

Oscillation theory is based on the idea that healing happens in waves, not straight lines. It acknowledges that after a traumatic or painful experience, your nervous system needs to move between periods of activation (pain, emotion, processing) and periods of rest or reprieve (stabilising, recovering, pausing).

This back-and-forth movement isn’t avoidance. It’s essential.

Grief isn’t meant to be felt all the time. And neither is joy. The body can’t stay in a state of intense emotion forever—it needs space to regulate, integrate, and breathe.

Oscillation is what allows you to keep functioning without suppressing what you feel.

What It Might Look Like in Real Life

Oscillation could be:

• Crying in the morning, then going for a walk to reset.
  
• Spending the afternoon looking at photos, then watching a lighthearted show to take a break.
  
• Journaling about your pain, then taking a shower and cooking dinner.
  
• Feeling numb for a few days, then having an unexpected wave of emotion.
  

It’s not about avoiding grief. It’s about giving your system space to recover from it, so you can come back to it in a grounded way.

Why It Matters

Many people get stuck in two extremes:

1. Staying in the pain too long, without relief—leading to burnout, depression, or hopelessness.
   
2. Avoiding the pain entirely, by distracting or numbing—leading to emotional disconnection or chronic symptoms.
   

Oscillation offers a third option: letting yourself feel, but also letting yourself rest.

It teaches you that it’s okay to laugh during grief. To take a break from the hard stuff. To seek moments of peace, pleasure, or even just stillness—without guilt.

One Gentle Step

If you’re in a season of loss or overwhelm, try asking yourself:

“Do I need to lean in, or do I need to come up for air?”

There’s no right answer. Some days you’ll want to process. Some days you’ll just want to get through. Both are valid. Both are healing. And neither means you’re doing it wrong.

If you want to hear more about oscillation theory and what it looks like in real life—from someone who has lived it personally and professionally—Episode #19 of What’s My Body Telling Me? How to Keep Living While You're Grieving features therapist and mother Tiffani Clingin in a powerful, compassionate conversation on grief, trauma, and nervous system healing.