The Real Reason Your Libido Feels ‘Off’

You’re not broken—your body is just speaking.

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should want sex more,” or wondering why your desire doesn’t match your partner’s, it’s time to reframe what we think of as “low libido.” In truth, libido isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a dynamic signal. And that signal can be influenced by everything from stress and hormones to the emotional temperature of your relationship.

What Libido Isn’t:

• A performance metric
  
• A moral failing
  
• A comparison game
  
• Something you “owe” your partner
  
  

What Libido Is:

• A reflection of your current internal state
  
• A mix of physical, emotional, and relational factors
  
• A message from your nervous system about safety, desire, and capacity
  

For many women, desire isn’t spontaneous—it’s responsive. It arises in the right context: when you feel safe, connected, seen, and supported. When that’s missing, your body isn’t malfunctioning—it’s protecting you.

What Could Be Affecting Your Libido?

• Unspoken resentment in your relationship
  
• Hormonal shifts (perimenopause, postpartum, thyroid, contraception)
  
• Chronic stress or over-functioning (emotionally or physically)
  
• Medications or nutrient deficiencies
  
• Internalised shame or sexual conditioning
  
• Burnout, sleep debt, or over-identification with productivity
  

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. Do I feel safe and relaxed in my body lately?
2. Do I feel emotionally connected to my partner—or just functional?
3. What does my body crave right now? Connection? Touch? Space? Rest?
4. Have I made room for pleasure lately—or just tasks?
   

What To Try Instead of Pushing Yourself:

• Nervous system regulation (breathwork, movement, sleep, safety)
  
• Creating a pleasure menu with simple, sensual, and sexual options
  
• Body-based communication with your partner: “I want to feel more… not just perform more.”
  
• Exploring your unique arousal style (are you responsive or spontaneous?)
  
• Redefining sex—less goal, more connection
  

Comparison Kills Desire

Stop comparing your libido to your partner’s—or to your past self. Desire changes throughout your life. It’s shaped by seasons, circumstances, and cycles. You’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to not “match” anyone else.

The real question isn’t “How do I fix my libido?”

It’s: “What is my body trying to communicate—and am I listening?”

Want to explore this topic more deeply?
Listen to Episode #12 of What’s My Body Telling Me? — Beyond Libido: The Secret to Unlocking True Desire with certified sex educator Eleanor Hadley.