The Traits You Dislike in Others Might Be Hiding in You

Ever been called controlling, selfish, or manipulative—and immediately snapped back, “That’s not me!”?

If that reaction felt intense, it might not be because the accusation was false—but because it touched something you’ve tried hard not to see.

This is the nature of shadow work. Your shadow isn’t evil or dark—it’s simply the parts of yourself you’ve rejected, denied, or hidden. Often, you can spot it in the traits that most irritate you in others. Judgment is a mirror.

Can’t stand selfish people? You might carry an old story that being self-focused is bad. So you overgive, over-please, and lose yourself. Ironically, this often results in burnout and quiet resentment—because you’re living in denial of your full range.

Owning your shadow doesn’t mean you are selfish or controlling. It means you can be—and when you're aware of that potential, you're less likely to act from it unconsciously.

It’s not about labeling yourself. It’s about reclaiming your wholeness.

The gift of shadow work is this: when you stop hiding from your humanness, you become safer to yourself—and to others. You stop performing. You stop projecting. And your relationships get real.

Want to explore how shadow traits show up in relationships, how to spot your blind spots, and how owning them actually makes you more trustworthy? Tune in to  Episode #15 Facing Your Shadow: How to Transform Your Subconscious Patterns of What’s My Body Telling Me? with Pete Isaia.